down..

The thoughts of a certain someone will not leave my head. I know it's been a tough day and I should just go to bed and let sleep sort everything out but instead I'm still awake. I keep praying that God will send me the person I am supposed to be most happy with and where it hasn't bothered me being single for all this time, it is weighing on me pretty good now. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow so I've got to get this out now or it might keep me from sleeping all through the night.
I fell in love with someone who left. Someone who never liked me as much as I liked him. It broke me. I see him and my heart freaks out.. beats violently in my chest till I distract myself with someone else less important. It's been some time since the accidental heartbreak and where my heart still aches for the love I thought I'd found, I'm doing alright. Well for some reason, during last sunday's sermon, it hit me like something fierce. I just want to love and be loved in return. I should have already used that four letter word but I haven't. I've heard it but never felt the same way towards the person. That hurts too btw.. not being able to use those three little words. God I am very grateful that you have helped me get a job and get accepted into the Culinary Management program. I love being able to say, "I'm a culinary student" and that "I have work." If I'm not busy enough, you'd think I wouldn't wish to find someone who would take up the rest of my free time, but that's not the case apparently. Maybe I don't know what I'm wishing for but I obviously don't care.
I'm hoping that having a job will bring new people into my life and then when I start school, I will be put together with other people who share my passion. Staying home all this time hasn't helped me meet people.. even with the occasional trip to the bookstore.. ;)
Okay.. apparently watching the previews for Lisa Kudrow's new show has turned my frown completely right side up. :) Going to bed.. this may be deleted soon.. need to stay positive.